I have been here before, in this place. It’s Fearville. Fear without an exclamation mark. I typed one but deleted it as someone might kick away a crutch. Truth be told, I’ve never been far from it. Maybe if I could befriend fear, at least acknowledge it, maybe it would morph in to something useful, something powerful like action or hope or drive. My space isn’t viable for us both.
When did I become such a woose… when did I hand over the reigns to fear? Oh there have been moments of revolt. I got my driving license after 50 lessons (1 point to me ) but chose to do my test on a Saturday morning at 8am when roads where traffic-free (1 all).
In a gift shop the other day, I saw this on a card:
‘Do one thing everyday that scares you’. Sound advice from Eleanor Roosevelt. She also had this to say on the matter of fear:
‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I loved through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’
Back to that stack of books by my bedside… Susan Jeffries’ ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’. I’ve started it many times but not got far.
DH caught me reading ‘Positively Happy’ by Noel Edmonds. I felt as I do when he walks in on me watching reality TV shows. He reacted as he does in those moments too. Brain fry. It is bubblegum fodder but there’s the odd gem buried within and I just happened to be reading one of them. Noel Edmonds urges the reader to engage with your kid during those times you have set aside to spend with them. Not by ‘being there’ while taking mobile calls, sending texts, checking emails. Really take time to make eye contact, listen, talk. DH and I both blushed at that.
Will wait for tomorrow to take on Eleanor’s challenge – I’ll keep you posted.