Fear begone

I have been here before, in this place. It’s Fearville. Fear without an exclamation mark. I typed one but deleted it as someone might kick away a crutch. Truth be told, I’ve never been far from it. Maybe if I could befriend fear, at least acknowledge it, maybe it would morph in to something useful, something powerful like action or hope or drive. My space isn’t viable for us both.

When did I become such a woose… when did I hand over the reigns to fear? Oh there have been moments of revolt. I got my driving license after 50 lessons (1 point to me ) but chose to do my test on a Saturday morning at 8am when roads where traffic-free (1 all).

In a gift shop the other day, I saw this on a card:

‘Do one thing everyday that scares you’. Sound advice from Eleanor Roosevelt. She also had this to say on the matter of fear:

‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I loved through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’

Back to that stack of books by my bedside… Susan Jeffries’ ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’. I’ve started it many times but not got far.

DH caught me reading ‘Positively Happy’ by Noel Edmonds. I felt as I do when he walks in on me watching reality TV shows. He reacted as he does in those moments too. Brain fry. It is bubblegum fodder but there’s the odd gem buried within and I just happened to be reading one of them. Noel Edmonds urges the reader to engage with your kid during those times you have set aside to spend with them. Not by ‘being there’ while taking mobile calls, sending texts, checking emails. Really take time to make eye contact, listen, talk. DH and I both blushed at that.

Will wait for tomorrow to take on Eleanor’s challenge – I’ll keep you posted.

Yep, another emoticon to face the day =

Why spell it out, when you can say it with an emoticon.  I could have gone for :/ but I thought it important I ended on a high point (smile facing up) and those little beady eyes look too vulnerable for me today.

Though lately I feel like I’m dismissing too many days as being ‘ one of those days’.  I asked DH if he thought I might be depressed?  I’m certainly down about my current inability to move myself on. He wasn’t prepared to make a call on it though I can see he feels my pain.

Here are some obvious steps I can take:

Lighten up: i.e. dye my hair  I’ve been stretching out my last semi-permanent colour as long as I can. I need to go to the hairdressers.  Things (me) should look brighter.

Action:  Make a hair appointment.

Change my outlook: i.e. replace my glasses.  Though I have my current pair less than a year, the lens are scratched badly so I look at the world through a permanently smudged  window. (^0_0^)

Action: Visit opticians, choose new frames and replace my lens.

De-clutter: to really expect clear thoughts I should have clear thoroughfares.  The obstacles in my house (piles of laundry, stacks of unread books and newspapers etc) must be a manifestation of the blocks in my head.  De-junk and clarity should follow.

Action: Go to my bedroom. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.  I reckon I’m about 25 paces from my proverbial portrait in the attic (messroom with bed in) but it feels like there’s a shark infested ocean between us.

So I didn’t make my post tally, I’ll get over it :-{

I didn’t meet my own challenge to complete 40 posts over Lent.  I don’t face a penalty,  I’ll get over it. My emoticon for today wears my disappointment :-|

About that and I’m just generally feeling flat today. I know it’s a temporary feeling but it’s not fleeting enough for me.

A learned pal in all matters of personal growth suggested I get this book:  now, Discover your strengths.  I got the book a week ago. Today I took the test. The premise behind it being that the key to happiness is through focusing on our strengths not working on our weaknesses.  Each book comes with a unique code, you key it in to a website, answer over a hundred questions by indicating how strongly you feel about a statement. It could be ‘I love people’ or ‘ I like to be a leader’. You get twenty seconds to make your choice. Sure, it was tough. I love to talk versus I love to listen.  I like to do both but I chose talker. Yet, I am probably more of a listener than some who don’t like to talk and opted for listener.  You see that’s my competitive strand coming through. I wasn’t competing.  But somehow I feel I failed.

My five signature themes  (listed in rank order):


“Stretch the circle wider.” This is the philosophy around which you orient your life. You want to include people and make them feel part of the group. In direct contrast to those who are drawn only to exclusive groups, you actively avoid those groups that exclude others. You want to expand the group so that as many people as possible can benefit from its support. You hate the sight of someone on the outside looking in. You want to draw them in so that they can feel the warmth of the group. You are an instinctively accepting person. Regardless of race or sex or nationality or personality or faith, you cast few judgments. Judgments can hurt a person’s feelings. Why do that if you don’t have to? Your accepting nature does not necessarily rest on a belief that each of us is different and that one should respect these differences. Rather, it rests on your conviction that fundamentally we are all the same. We are all equally important. Thus, no one should be ignored. Each of us should be included. It is the least we all deserve.


You are fascinated by ideas. What is an idea? An idea is a concept, the best explanation of the most events. You are delighted when you discover beneath the complex surface an elegantly simple concept to explain why things are the way they are. An idea is a connection. Yours is the kind of mind that is always looking for connections, and so you are intrigued when seemingly disparate phenomena can be linked by an obscure connection. An idea is a new perspective on familiar challenges. You revel in taking the world we all know and turning it around so we can view it from a strange but strangely enlightening angle. You love all these ideas because they are profound, because they are novel, because they are clarifying, because they are contrary, because they are bizarre. For all these reasons you derive a jolt of energy whenever a new idea occurs to you. Others may label you creative or original or conceptual or even smart. Perhaps you are all of these. Who can be sure? What you are sure of is that ideas are thrilling. And on most days this is enough.


Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running out of things to say. You don’t. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words; you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made, you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet, new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet—lots of them.


You like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. This is your Communication theme at work. Ideas are a dry beginning. Events are static. You feel a need to bring them to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid. And so you turn events into stories and practice telling them. You take the dry idea and enliven it with images and examples and metaphors. You believe that most people have a very short attention span. They are bombarded by information, but very little of it survives. You want your information—whether an idea, an event, a product’s features and benefits, a discovery, or a lesson—to survive. You want to divert their attention toward you and then capture it, lock it in. This is what drives your hunt for the perfect phrase. This is what draws you toward dramatic words and powerful word combinations. This is why people like to listen to you. Your word pictures pique their interest, sharpen their world, and inspire them to act.


You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information—words, facts, books, and quotations—or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don’t feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

On emailing my results to DH’s, I got a curt  ‘uncanny’ back. I wasn’t surprised at all and will concede that my strengths have been pinned.  I’m just disappointed for those that didn’t make it in. Like Achiever or Intellection.  Where did Maximizer figure?  Why didn’t I score Significance.  Instead I get the wholly set. The book recommendation came with the promise a coffee date  and I’m hoping some  pointers.  This week I hope to collect on that.  I’ll process these themes with the aid of the book and maybe I will come to value them – nay me – more as a result.